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MarryYourPet (MYP) is not responsible for anything, ever; forever. We frequently infuriate and are generally awkward. None of us were milk monitors at school. Although happy to marry you, we cannot guarantee you will be happy. MYP is in no way responsible for anything nasty occurring. If your marriage breaks down, or you can no longer stand their smelly breath, it’s your problem. If Fido eats your mother or Fluffy pees in your trainer, we will only laugh. This is a marriage of minds and companionship. Obviously you have no conjugal rights. That would be sick and just doesn’t bear thinking about. For the sake of clarity: You are not permitted to have sex with your pet. Pet/human marriages are recognised neither by the law nor the church. That said, your certificate is as an official document as you will get until the church changes its policies. Dominique has a certificate of ordination, and as such is qualified to perform marriages. If you spend time on the site you will see there is a ‘divorce’ section. Don’t bother clicking on it. It’s not happening. The church may let you wriggle out of your commitments, but MYP won’t. You make a promise both to yourself and each other, but also to me, and I intend to make sure you keep it. By marrying your pet he/she is entitled to half your house and all your income. You are not allowed to mistreat your pet in any way. You cannot make him pick up your pants, put up with your nostril hair or use him as a general dogsbody – even if he is indeed a dog. You may not get excessively fat. You may not embarrass your pet at any time. Enjoy your marriage and have a nice day. Dominique N.B. No animals were harmed in the making of this website, but several people had their fingers bitten and one was humiliated by a parrot. Changes & Disclosure: MarryYourPet has the right to alter its policies at any time, especially if this renders us less responsible. We can also change anything on the site, at any time, and when you visit you’re bound by those changes too. If you disclose anything to us – it’s ours. If you sleep walk to the post box and accidentally mail us something that you don’t want us to have – it’s ours. If you don’t disclose it, but your Auntie’s Uncle’s dog does so without your permission – it’s still ours. And as it’s ours, we can do what we like with it. Yep, we can broadcast, disclose or publish it. We can take your ideas, market and develop them, make a fortune and not even send you a dodgy thank you card. Of course we won’t, but just so you know that we can. Well done for making it through the small print. Please share your learnings with your pet and now take a well earned break. Don’t read small print. It’s bad for the eyes. |
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